Thursday, 20 October 2016

Quick follow up and wtf?

Don't recall if I mentioned this here, or in a comment on another blog.  When I visited my homeland earlier this year, I was dining with a childhood friend and his wife, who subsequently went to bed and left us to drink and chat in the garden.  After a few glasses, my friend leaned across, grabbed my shirtfront and told me how he'd only ever wanted me, not his wife or any of the many girlfriends along the way, and that it was the great 'heartbreak' of his life that we weren't together.  Awkward, as I don't find him at all attractive despite our obvious sympatico.  On my more recent visit, both he and she were keen to have dinner again, but I can't help but suspect she suspects something.  We had what could be described as a 'polite' meal, but he kept staring at me and nudging my leg under the table, and finally the wife called time at an unreasonably early hour and we were done.

However.  I attended another meal with a similar group of longstanding friends, which went on for far too long (8 hour lunch anyone?), and the concurrent amount of booze and sly joints outside with the smokers.  I needed to move on to another party, and one of our number asked to accompany me.  He's basically family, so of course he could.  Now, I am, and have always been, a sincere capitalist and subscriber to the Protestant work ethic, and he is the polar opposite.  Madly left-wing, pro-communist, and a firm believer in the obligation of the state to care for its citizens, he and I have shared many debates over the years regarding our differing viewpoints, although always with laughter and respect.  He too is married, but has no children.  Over lunch he tells me he has written me many letters over the past few years, but is saddened I haven't acknowledged them or replied, before showing me an address that hasn't been valid for half a decade.

So.  We're in the cab, and he turns to me.  "Y'know", he says, "one of the most frustrating things about you is that you are utterly unaware of your looks, your charm and your intelligence" (I can be a glass half empty guy sometimes).  Now he's always been into alternative therapies and similar pursuits, so I'm bracing myself for some kind of pep talk about self-actualization or whatever, but he reaches across the backseat and takes my face in his hands and kisses me deeply and longingly.  Finally breaking away, he smiles and says he's wanted to do that for decades, and that deep inside he believes that I am the love of his life and that 'society' has kept us apart.  I do not know how to respond to this at all.  I'm kinda sweet on him too, but in a fraternal way.  I do love him, but have no desire for a relationship beyond the brotherly one we have now.

Our cab arrives at the destination - a heaving and trendy pub - and my other friends are waiting on the terrace, gesturing at their watches to remind me how late I am.  In the arrival melee of hellos, kisses and gentle upbraiding for keeping them waiting, I am separated from my companion, only to receive a text later hoping I'd had a good time and that he meant everything he said and did.  Ay carumba!


  1. You heart breaker! :=)


    1. Don't say that! I feel terrible about it, and it's since been compounded by the Syrian. He went all "in vino veritas" last weekend, and told me that he feels that he loves me more than I love him... Arrrgh!!!

  2. I was just telling some folks that my friends in high school were mostly bi, gay and lesbian even though we weren't out even to ourselves. I kinda wonder if you naturally form bonds with people of similar sexuality and then as with your friend, sometimes project something more because of that unspoken bond.

  3. Wise words as usual. And I suspect you're correct - I'm much happier knowing (in both cases), that it's more about the projection than about me. Now I can breathe a little easier...