Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Quick fuck session

Before things all went pear-shaped, I did have an afternoon hook-up with the Syrian.  It was our usual encounter, with much kissing and rimming, but with two unusual dimensions.

1.  After a fair amount of digital penetration, he let me fuck him, but only halfway
2.  He let me take his pic.

now you know why it hurts!

Monday, 4 April 2016


thanks for the messages, both public and private, on my recent turn of events.

As luck (?) would have it, the air was barely clear of the usual recriminations (how could you do this etc etc), when I was sent to Singapore for a week at rudely short notice by my employer, then PC issues, then network issues.  Thus the radio silence.

However, before I left, I managed to assure her that this was a one-off, and that my recent struggles with the black dog had gotten the better of me, and that yes, the guy and I had snogged about 3 years back and when he contacted me again unexpectedly I was receptive, as "it was nice to feel as though I was attractive to someone"...  Despite our relative professional closeness, I wasn't aware that his time with my current employer had ended, and he now lives mostly in NYC, visiting here for family reasons.  Happily and truthfully I was able to produce ample evidence of the ongoing depressive episodes, which mollified her a little.

What was odd during the whole thing was what she dragged up from the past.  Entirely innocent things I have done were thrown in my face as evidence of further treachery, an odd comment on my FB from an openly gay friend was taken as dire import of our secret affair, and yet the flimsy excuses I do use when I'm out fucking around didn't score a mention.

Anyway, I seem to have turned the conversation form "my husband is gay" to "my husband is a fucking idiot who can't handle depression and needs therapy", which may or may not be a desirable outcome.

Suffice to say she now watches me like a hawk.  Thus all apps are deleted on the phone (which is oddly liberating), and any texting etc. I might be doing - however innocently - is closely enquired after.  On occasion tears will well in her eyes and she just looks away.

It's all pretty heartbreaking stuff - she really does have my heart, I do love my family, and I don't want my situation to change.  She's demanding I see a counsellor, so I'm half-heartedly looking around.  Work in progress...